When Diabetes Becomes the Calm of the Storm

Where have I been? It has been quite a while since last posting a blog. Let’s get the excuses out of the way: busy schedule, other priorities, events, trips, work, second work, other free work, and doing other projects. While that has all been happening there is no excuse for not being able to dedicate an hour or two to writing and posting a blog. However, the experience of going through with being extremely busy and not writing a post recently did shed some insight into something I haven’t really seen in awhile.

My life has always been busy – no doubt about it. I’ve worked two jobs since I can remember. Started grad school three years ago doing full time course work as well as a sixteen hour per week internship (not paid). I fill my other time with staying in shape with fitness and running. Let’s not forget time with my fiancée, family, and friends. Sometimes running takes me away for entire mornings, days, or even weekends. Besides that I have other work I focus on such as writing other manuscripts and creating new projects. I also make sure to engage in some self-care and leisure activities such as reading, drawing, and painting.

Show me a boring life and I wouldn’t really know what to think of it. Back in May, I posted a blog entitled, “Diabetes Must Be MY Top Priority.” It focused on the need to take care of my diabetes among anything else. Around that time I was focusing on a number of different things going on in my life and often put diabetes care lower on the totem pole. Fortunately, this time I was able to do the exact opposite and learn another valuable lesson.

This time around I made sure to keep my priority focusing on diabetes as the highest need. I kept my blood meter out in front of me as a reminder to take it as many times as I would need. I took an extra minute or two between clients to make sure I checked my blood sugar and eat something if need be. I made sure to change my insertion site every two to three days. Instead of quickly moving on to the next activity or event I would tell myself that it only takes a few minutes to manage the diabetes and everything else could easily wait.

Over the last couple of months things became quite hectic – and dare I even admit… stressful. Stress and stress was piling on. Normally, this would be an opportune time for the diabetes management to slip again. In a weird way, diabetes almost became the calm of the storm. While dealing with other situations, people, events, and stuff out of my control – – diabetes was something I never became stressed out about having to manage. There were plenty of things affecting me that weren’t about me and that often creates a different level of distress.

Stuff happened where I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it, solve it, or what the outcome would be. There were things going on that created stress that I couldn’t simply handle or deal with compared to normal situations. But, whenever it came to handling my diabetes those answers were always there. I always know what to do if my blood sugar is high or low. I know what to do if an insertion site appears to be bruising or hurting. I know what to do when it comes to managing my diabetes while going for a run or participating in a race.

Back in the day, and still partially today, I always looked at diabetes as my number one struggle. I viewed it as the most significant thing happening in my life constantly, day in and day out. I viewed it as the biggest threat, the top concern, and even public enemy number one. It was the main target for any blame happening in all areas in life. Quite convenient when you didn’t want to take any personal responsibility.

So, imagine my surprise when a new problem happens at work and I become stressed and unsure of how to deal with it. Imagine when a personal problem occurs and I’m unsure of what the outcome is going to be. That all of the sudden becomes a storm around me. Creating unwanted thoughts, feelings, and distress. Trouble sleeping, lack of focus, and anxiety along the way. It’s fascinating how some things can completely throw us off our rhythm of life.

And then there is the same old diabetes. The disease I have been living with for almost two decades. The disease that pretty much has been the same ever since I was diagnosed. Technology may have changed over the years but the nuts and bolts of the disease I live with has not. The pancreas in me works just as well as it did for the last twenty years – meaning my body still needs the insulin and blood meters the same.

In an ironic way, the disease that has the most influence on my entire life at times can also be the most calming thing in it. It can almost become a sense of inner tranquility and peace when the outside world can become rather chaotic. The relationship is not complicated – we know exactly what we need from one another. We know what happens when the relationship unravels and goes untreated. So when it comes to having any kind of issues or problems I already know how to handle it. I know the next steps to take. I know when I need to ask for support or help. I know when I need to make a decision.

As strange as it seems, when I think about how chaotic life can be and then think about how calm diabetes can be… it makes me wonder why I sometimes allow other things to create such chaos. If I can manage something that can literally be the difference between life and death… what makes other problems appear too difficult?

Storms will always happen. Whether it’s rain, wind, or even snow – – there are always going to be problems. But we fight to get through it in hopes of seeing a brighter day. Sometimes you have to take a step back and realize that the fight is not so much of what is happening outside compared to what is happening within. But within lies our greatest abilities to deal with the storm. For me, diabetes was the darkness I always saw externally and never wanted to see the internal blackness inside.

Eventually I was able to see things a lot clearer with some significant soul searching. Now I can see that diabetes has brought an inner strength in me that may not have been present without it. But it is strong enough to get me through any challenge I may face.